did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
