so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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