Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
