So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
