a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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