i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
