At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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