you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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