My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In other news, I just burned my penis
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
