and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
