I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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