i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
