i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
