so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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