Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
