you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
