I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
