I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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