Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
