wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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