fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
