just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Of course I have a pirate flag
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
