this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
