Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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