Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
