That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
