it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
