D3 body, D1 cock
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
