i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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