planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So many bounce houses so little time
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
