i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
