Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
