I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dick very happy bro
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
