Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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