I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
