He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
