We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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