so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
