Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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