I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
