yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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