Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
