i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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