Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
