i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
