Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
