I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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