R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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