I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
