the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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