The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
